G.I.F.T. Week!!!

This is the picture from the 1 years anniversary of Ivee's Diagnosis

      I've been a very busy "elf" lately, helping Santa with secretive Christmas presents. I've made a few comments on Facebook, but I really wanted to take the time to express myself on my blog.
      December 18th and 20th live in infamy in our household. These will be two dates that we, the entire Foley family, will never forget. Life may continue to go on around us, but on these days, I reflect quite a bit over our journey.
       It is almost surreal that this past Sunday marked the 5 year anniversary of Ivee's fall at 7 months old from that grocery cart! FIVE years! Five years we were told in the beginning we would probably never have!  
      Let me begin by telling you a little about myself...I have a gift and/or curse I suppose. I can see something happen, look at a picture, watch a video, and the imagery alone will stick with me forever! You can tell me a story, and my imagination is SO vivid that my mind will automatically make a movie out of it that won't leave. This is why my husband has to be careful telling me stories or events that may bother me. Just ask him about the subject that will not be discussed ("We don't talk about that") and he'll tell you. (*Let me clarify, I am in no way a savant who remembers all things. I usually just remember things that are significant, or important to me or others. My creative mind will just take things and run crazy with them. I just have a gift for remembering things or recreating them in my mind.) So, what does this lead to?
      I can still replay the events of that day clearly in my head. I've only had a hand full of tragic or painful moments in my life, and though I recall them, they are a bit hazy. But, I feel like a digital recorder when it comes to the first days of our story with Ivee's battle. It still amazes me at how all this came to be. The horrors of seeing her hit the concrete, the imaging that I thought would forever haunt me, has become one of my most enduring moments with my Creator. Of course, at first, there was nothing grand or magnificent about it. It took me about 2 years to come to the point that when my "mind" replayed it I didn't feel that punch in the gut you get. (I get the same pain when I see people on Funniest Home Videos hit concrete. Maybe there is a connection there? Ya Think?) It was very difficult for me to get over seeing that fall. But, as the years have passed, doctors have given inputs, statistics, comments, opinions...and what Em and I discovered long ago, is that the fall SAVED her life! Logically speaking, the "way" her carseat fell of the cart, direction and all, it is unscientific. It makes no logical sense. You know why it makes no sense? Cause Ivee didn't fall from the cart. I believe with all my heart, God took my baby, by angel or however you would like to think it, and put her on that concrete! He made this happen.
      Now many of you may think, why in the world would God do such a thing? Well, I can only tell you that I had been concerned about Ivee's "spitting up", inconsolable crying, breathing issues, and not sitting up (balance) for a few weeks. The pediatrician knocked it off as a problem with regular formula, gas, and delay in development, and gave her a nebulizer for breathing in case she had asthma. What she had a was tumor killing her. My God knew this. He knew, in the words of our first neurosurgeon, that if we waited for the doctors to find out what was wrong, it would have been too late. So, God knocked my baby from that cart, and HE saved her life. He spoke to me, verbally in my heart, next to that CT scanner, telling me she was just fine from that fall...that he has something else to reveal to us. Yes, I heard him, and when I saw that CT scan, seeing something that my untrained eye knew shouldn't be there, he confirmed his words to me.
     Yesterday, December 20th, marked the 5 years anniversary of the day that Dr. Martino performed a 5+ hour operation to remove 98% of Ivee's first brain tumor. Dr. Martino is in the top of his field in pediatric brain/spinal surgeries. (We of course made sure of this before we let anyone touch our daughter) Even though he isn't her neurosurgeon any longer (this is because of our move to St. Jude), let me just say, if I, me personally, had to have surgery on my back or brain, he would be the FIRST person I call!
Okay, I don't want the post to take all day, so I will get to a closing point.
Many of you know why we call this G.I.F.T. week. It makes sense, being that it's Christmas time, a time for giving and receiving. BUT, I didn't call the day of remembrance that for just the fun of the season. No! Not at all. G.I.F.T., of course an acrostic, but it holds so many meanings for us.
     That fall was the moment my Creator told me he had a plan for Ivee's life, for my life. It is the reason that I can now look back and say that it is an enduring moment with my Creator. He wasn't punishing me. He wasn't trying to hurt me. He was giving me a G.I.F.T. He gave me the gift of my daughter's life. He gave me the gift of moments so intimate with him, that nothing else could have gotten me through. He gave me the gift of knowing what is important in life, and not taking any thing or any MOMENT for granted. Life is a G.I.F.T. meant to be given and to be received. He gave me the G.I.F.T of a closer relationship with him, a relationship I don't think I could have ever had apart from pediatric cancer.
     He gave us a G.I.F.T. in using Dr. Martino, Dr. Merchant, Dr. Boop, St. Jude, USA, Le Bonheur, and so many others to be tools/vessels to save Ivee's life.
     God gave us a G.I.F.T. when he allowed Dr. Martino to leave Ivee's nerves in tack, to give her a fighting chance of them recovering. And, though not all of her brain/nerves were able to recover (we all know her deficits), I can only be thankful for the things that he did, cause she could have been SO much worse.
G.I.F.T. is not about me. It is all about my Lord, my Savior, and Ivee's Healer.
                     God
                        Is
                          Faithful and
                           True
     So, as this Sunday, December 25th approaches, I think of our first Christmas with Ivee. It wasn't around a beautiful tree in our living room, surrounded by boxes and toys. We woke up in the RMH, with our other two children. Without Ivee there. We left her in the hospital in the care of the doctors and the watchful eye of my father, whom I am so grateful for on this journey, while we went for just an hour to Em's sisters home to just take a break. We returned to the hospital to find out that Ivee would be moved from ICU to the floor. We wouldn't leave USA hospital for another 22 days.
     I could dwell on that day, but instead, I am thankful for the first Christmas since. With Ivee right there with us, seeing her first Christmas tree, opening her first gifts, taking our first family Christmas pictures with our 19 month old. I am thankful for the 3 Christmases and 4 birthdays that followed. I am thankful for the 5 year old in my bedroom right now watching Sesame Street. I am thankful for the 12 year old, still asleep at 9:36 in the morning, and for the 15 year old who will be leaving my house in 2 1/2 years for college!
     G.I.F.T. Do you know what it means? I pray that this Christmas, if you don't know Him...if you haven't had the chance to heal...if you feel the burden of your life around you...if you feel a void in your life...that you would give God the chance to become your Father. He is such a loving Maker, even when we don't understand.
      I am so grateful for the Love and GIFT of all of you! I want to leave you with a powerful song. May you have a very Blessed and Maker filled Christmas! God bless!