One Week down...

Who knows how much longer. Dr. Martino should be back tomorrow, and they will take another sample of her CSF. The fluid is looking more and more clear. Just a slight tinge of yellow now.
We have been able to take the "no-no's" off her arms so she can move them around now. She hasn't tried to pull on any of her tubes or lines. So, you can say she is being a good girl. She is definitely tired of being here and staying in the bed. The movies are getting old! She is getting more sleep now, but it is still very restless. The night nurses do all they can to leave her alone, but they still have to come in at strange hours to give her antibiotics.
Em and I take turns staying at night (and my dad graciously took one night so we could both go home with the kids). The chairs in the ICU are quite uncomfortable, and ours doesn't want to stay down in the recline position unless you push yourself way up on it. Sleep here is not restful for so many reasons.
I was watching a movie tonight in the room, and there was a scene in a church service. The preacher made reference to being in situations that make us weary. It is not a sin to be weary, but it is a sin to give up. Being in a hospital definitely makes you weary, and this morning I was particularly tired. As many know I am leading worship at our church for now. I was rehearsing with the choir and we left to go out to the auditorium. I stopped in my office for just a second to put something on my desk. I just stopped for a moment, I have to tell you ... I just felt completely weary. I just said a quick, "God give me strength, cause I am so tired and I just don't think I can do this." Then I walked out to the stage. When we started the first song, I must admit, I looked at Emily and said, "Okay, let's do this thing." Real spiritual...huh?!
But, as the Lord does so many times, we began to sing, and I could physically feel my spirit being renewed. With every song, he renewed my spirit and gave strength to my body. The Lord is so faithful. I sometimes wish that I could express to the people of our church what the Lord has taught me on this journey for the past 2 years. I could tell them time after time that the Lord was faithful to me. I could tell them how he heard my cries and comforted me when no one else could. I could tell them how when I was a low point he would send someone along or have one of you send me an encouraging comment and it would make all the difference that day.
ALL I can tell you is that my faith has fallen short MANY times! I have cried to him and yelled at him. I have questioned him and myself. There is a song that we have sang for years at church, and it is a beautiful song. But the first time we sang it (about a year after Ivee's brain surgery) the words became real in a way that they never could have before. The lines to the 2nd verse say it all. I'll put them in my words.
When my strength was all but gone and my heart had no song...then God was faithful to me. In all the times that my heart looked away and there were MANY MANY times that I just could not pray...even then God has always ALWAYS been faithful to me. I specifically remember a night in the hospital. I just looked up towards the ceiling and yelled, "God. I am so mad at you!" That may be a hard confession, but it was what was in my heart. And you know what...he was there to say, "Yes, but I still love you!" And after the first few months, I found it hard to pray any longer. I just didn't know what to pray any more, and I frankly was just trying to live and take care of my family. And you know what...God was still there saying, "I know, but I'll help take care of you." He is a FAITHFUL FAITHFUL GOD!
I am still far from what God would have me be, and I may not pray like I need too, or be in the Word like I should all the time...but I love and trust in Him! I believe!
I hope your hearts be encouraged like you have consistently encouraged me! You are such a blessing! God bless you all, and keep on praying!