Thursday, 9-25-14
You may think (but probably haven't), "You know. Hope sure hasn't posted a lot about Childhood Cancer during this month of awareness. Maybe it's not as important as she made it out to be." It's true, I haven't. Why you may ask? (But probably haven't)
Well, the answer. I'm too busy dealing with the after effects of surgery & treatment from Ivee's cancer, plus being a wife and mom to other people who need me. I know, every body's busy. But here's my life. It consist of taking care of medical needs, much like a child who has to take care of a elderly parent. My morning begins with an hour of unhooking machines, such as pulse ox, feeding tube, Bipap machine, and oxygen concentrator, giving breathing treatments, rubbing helpful oils on her or diffusing them in the air, and using a cough assist machine to help her "gag" out secretions that built up in her esophagus and airway over night, and using a suction machine to suck those secretions out of her throat and nose. I finally grab a bit to eat, then I spend hours trying to catch Ivee up on school, which involves doing lesson plans and sitting by her side the entire time cause she is easily distracted and must be kept on task. Then I fit in errands, doctor calls, and whatever else may come up. Then my thoughts around three sometimes go, "Oh my gosh, I forgot about supper! Let go see what I can throw together." Then some days, like today, it goes, "Oh wait, Ivee's very congested, let's give her another two breathing treatments, her oxygen is low. Should I take her in for a chest X-ray or wait? No fever, but then again, she doesn't always have fever. No, I think it's all nasal this time."
Once supper is over I clean up and then by seven it's time to begin what I did this morning all over again, but in reverse. Hooking machines back up, giving breathing treatments and shots, cause she can't grow on her own.
Once she goes to sleep between 9-10pm, I then begin the process of staying up for an hour or two til she's good and out of it to see what I have to do to adjust her oxygen at night, cause the doctor doesn't want it to high, and we know pure oxygen isn't what's best for the lungs. Some nights this means sleeping in her bed, and she is a bed hog, all night or until I can't stand the heat from all the machines in her room, and her knees in my back, and I go to my bed around 3 am to try it get back to sleep.
Yep, sorry I didn't have time to "remind" anyone that pediatric cancer sucks and we need more funding so no other mom has do this to their child in the future.
Friday, 9-26-14
After my brief and somewhat descriptive post yesterday at just a glimpse I to my life, today I want to flip the "story" today. I am blessed and honored to get up everyday and do those things I wrote of yesterday. Do I get tired? Yep. Do I wish for a break sometimes? Yep. Do I complain? Not on the outside, and not in my inter dialogue because of her or what I have to do. Only that I wish it didn't have to be done. That she were healed from it all. Audrey Assad wrote a powerful song that gets me every time I hear this phrase:
"You say I am blessed because of this
So, I choose to believe
As I carry this cross, You'll carry me
Help me believe it"
And everyday, the Lord's mercies are new, and when I am reminded of that, I am restored.
They state that every year 24 children a day are diagnosed with cancer and 7 die. That comes to 8,760 kids diagnosed and 2,555 dying a year. Ivee was first diagnosed in 2006, and the statistics are pretty much still the same in that eight year time. Ivee has out lived 20,440 children who have been diagnosed during her years of battling. Some I mourn because they were very close to me. So, how do I feel most days? Extremely blessed in my circumstances.
To hear Audrey's song follow the link below. Here are the full lyrics to her song "Carry Me".
Pain is a forest we all get lost in
Between the branches hope can be so hard to see
And in the darkness we've all got questions
We're all just trying to make sense out of suffering but
You say I am blessed because of this
So, I choose to believe
As I carry this cross, You'll carry me
Help me believe it
Fear is a current we all get caught in
And in its motion faith can be so hard to find
And we all falter 'cause we're all broken
We're all just trying to turn the shadows into light but
You get glory in the midst of this
And You're walking with me
And you say I am blessed because of this
So, I choose to believe
As I carry this cross, You'll carry me
And I know Your promises are faithful
And God, I've seen Your goodness in my life
And oh, I've found Your mercy is a river
Your love is an ocean wide
You say I am blessed because of this
You get glory in the midst of this
And You're walking with me
And You say I am blessed because of this
So, I choose to believe
As I carry this cross, as I carry this cross
'Cause as I carry this cross, You'll carry me
You'll carry me, God
You'll carry me
And Your love is an ocean wide
